my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
