I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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