If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize