I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
