you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
