afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Success! We fucked roommates!
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
