No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize