he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
she pinky promised me she was 18
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
