You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
