I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
