thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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