i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
