I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
