i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
