I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
