why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
