i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
