Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
