I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
