You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
