dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
