she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Randomize
