I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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