She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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