fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
