I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Randomize
