I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
