I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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