i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Randomize
