How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
