K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize