By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
