Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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