Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
honey bunches of taint.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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