I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
