I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
