You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
