I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
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