before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I just blew my weed a kiss
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
