So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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