question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
