shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
and she was petting her beer can
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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