You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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