i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
