You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
