ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
wow bdsm is so cute
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