weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
you will always have a special place in my vag
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize