singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
