as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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