the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
