My hand turned me down
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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