I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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