i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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