I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
