he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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