he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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