So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
