If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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