No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
