i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
