Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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