I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
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