so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
