Sry I called you an 8
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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