I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
