Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize