is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
