shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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